Solo

 Hi Everyone,

I hope you have been having good days or better and that the fathers in your life were honored yesterday.  We were fortunate to have most of our family around for the special day and enjoyed them all. My own father passed away late last Summer and it was very sad to think of him not physically being in our lives any longer. He was a very loving, attentive Dad who left us with a lot of fond memories. 

On my walk this morning I found a door! Yes, and it seemed one I could not pass on to share.  At first I thought to keep it until Thursday; but as I continued on my walk, the things I encountered inspired me to share it now.  Like so many inspirations, ideas and thoughts I often ‘save’ for later, it stood a good chance of being filed away and forgotten.  It struck me that the door was there as a message specifically for me and that the message was that it is okay for a moment to just be for me-about me-and not attached to a larger idea or project.  

See?  ‘C’ Me! 😊

Nice place. I could see me with a door like that.

As I walked on I began to notice others making their way alone, quite content as I was to be enjoying a rare cool morning.  The sun was rising into the blue, a gentle breeze touched our faces now and then, and we were alone in this joy-together.  Have you ever known someone who could enjoy being alone while in the company of others?  When you have a friend like this there is pure magic in spending time together.  I briefly knew a friend who would come over and we made tea and read books together.  Not to one another, just reading in the same room.  That was peaceful. 

There were others flying solo today…

Contemplating

Exploring

Reveling

Being singularly magnificent!

and foraging with

no competition.

So many people are unable to fathom not being with a group, whether it is with family, friends, coworkers or even strangers at public venues.  Stimulation is what they crave, and I know a lot of folks who get depressed when being alone.  I understand it philosophically; but for me alone means I only have to be concerned about myself-my own emotions.  There is no worry about what I should say or should have said and whether it is enough, too much, too soft, too harsh, too loud, or not loud enough.  Am I taking up too much of someone’s time or giving them enough of mine?  

I can be alone in a crowded room and that is just fine with me.  It is often difficult enough to see, hear and feel the interactions going on around me that don’t include me,  let alone jumping into a conversation and feeling as though I dove into a black lake without a life vest.  It isn’t that I can’t communicate but more that it is very exhausting in so many situations and has little to do with the familiarity of who I am with.  In fact, I often feel a natural comfort among strangers that I do not with people with whom I am connected.  With most strangers there is no expectation in casual encounters and,  if there is any disconnect, it is left behind when we part.  As a result I find myself being most outgoing when I am shopping, dining out, or on vacation.  

Fear is debilitating in so many ways, even those subconscious fears that have grown up with us.  I think the fear of being misunderstood outweighs my fear of not being heard.  I have to add that being an observer/listener also lends itself to greater skills of observation and objectivity. Sometimes it is purely entertaining.

So, when someone pushes you to be more outgoing, maybe you should just take a breath and say, “I’ll think about that, but for now I am enjoying the journey inward.” And if you are someone who thinks everyone should be chatting it up at social events or meetings, take a moment to observe.  Does the person sitting alone with her drink seem sad?  Is that guy looking around anxiously for someone to notice him?  If not,  perhaps they enjoy their aloneness in that moment.  If you pass near them nod, smile and say hello.  If they are lonely I promise they will be eager to talk.  If they just nod and smile back, keep walking.  For them, the pain may be worse in the connecting than in the being alone.  

As for me, I can get lonely for the true connection that is missing in idle conversation, for when the chatter stop I can hear the voice of Existence echoing through my soul, and there is peace in such silence.  In those breaths I meet myself and we converse.  Maybe some folks are more afraid of that than anything else.  

For my Daddy, somewhere beyond this realm, I want to say, “Thank you for teaching me that being alone is not a bad thing because we are never truly alone.” 

And thanks to my wonderful family I never have to be alone any more than I want to be…

Never alone is the most comforting thought I can have…

Breathe…..